Atoning For My Sins

‘Oldraver’ says, “I would probably think someone that did this a twat but no more.”

I know we shouldn’t enter rooms with sunken shoulders, feebly muttering “excuse me?” but that is the energy I am bringing to this newsletter. Yet again, I have been absent, not following through with the ideas I’ve had and as a result my “weekly” newsletter is now a bi-monthly one. I am sorry, I will do better, now let’s move on. 

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I drink water from a pint glass every day. I have two that I choose from. There is a Camden Town Brewery one, short and stout, with “Beer” written across it the style of an old painted sign. You’ll have seen it if you’ve spent any time in certain pubs in London where they serve craft beer for £6. The other is a Brixton Brewery glass with lightening bolts transferred onto it. Both are stolen. 

The act of stealing a pint glass from a pub is a widespread phenomena. Almost everyone I know has done it. On a Mumsnet thread asking about the morality of this trend, ‘Oldraver’ says, “It's twatty, no one needs to steal a glass. I would probably think someone that did this a twat but no more.”

‘EggysMom’ says, “I thought most people had done this ... We have rather a few!”

‘SlightyStaleCocoPops’ concludes, “I've been known to do this on more than one occasion when under the influence 🤷‍♀️ guess that makes me a twat then!”

Ultimately, ‘TwattingDog’ affirms ‘SlightlyStaleCocoPops’ with “Meh, I think most of our glasses have been half inched from pubs.”

The Morning Advertiser, a newspaper for publicans, published an article in 2019 about this. Apparently, “£186m” of glassware and tableware are stolen from pubs each year and 1 in 3 of us have taken at least one pint glass. The general consensus from pubs seems to be that its a nuisance but they aren’t in any state of panic about it. However, I did find an article in the Lancashire Telegraph about a rather irate landlord from Accrington, describing it as an “epidemic” and threatening to call the police on his thieves. 

The glasses I have in my possession, officer, are stolen but only technically. You see officer, I was allowed to take the Brixton one by an exhausted bartender at closing time. I don’t know how I came into possession of the Camden one. 

I don’t know if I have ever personally properly stolen one, like the old, slip-it-under-the-table-into-your-canvas-tote-bag move. A classic and one that I’ve witnessed many an athlete gracefully execute. I have only ever left the pub, very openly, glass in hand. Honesty is the best policy. 

An uncredited writer for the Daily Mash describes it as a lame form of rebellion. He (I imagine) while making a valid point about the absurdity of all this, seems a little too proud of how not-lame he is. GQ further confirms the lameness of this activity. I am very ready to admit it’s stupid to steal pint glasses from pubs. 

I am curious however, why, even though most of us have a pretty clear idea of the ethics of stealing, we think that it doesn’t really count. Similarly, putting through two croissants instead of one on the self-checkout, or scanning an expensive vegetable as a cheaper one.

It does, as our disgruntled and deeply cool Daily Mash journalist made clear, indicate a situation where repressed carnal desires are leaking from the pores of the middle-class. As if, life being so predictable, we are seduced to dance with death. The dance = stealing a pint glass. Death = an overworked 20-year old bartender noticing you put the glass in your bag and being too, paid £8 an hour, to care.